Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
