she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
