sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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