if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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