we have pet lesbian snakes
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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