I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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