More tranny stories later!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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