mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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