Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
