I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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