Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
