So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
