so that wasnt chicken after all
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
