So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
