On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
