one two three fourrrrnication!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sorry my hands just texted you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
