if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
