carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
