Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
