A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
