Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize