I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
