hell yes lets make some ravioli
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
