Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
