FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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