Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
