Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
