So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
