Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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