My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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