You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
