I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
