Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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