We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
