Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
