if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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