and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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