You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
