it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
