Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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