Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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