I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
