could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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