I wish I only lived at night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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