i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
