Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
