This girl is more easily done than said...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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