And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
