Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
