Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
