So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
